Dear Ja,
Tonight Ben wasn't obeying and being destructive to everything and everyone around him. I didn't like playing your part. I didn't like putting him in his place and feeling like an authoritative dictator. The girls were downstairs finishing up their cleaning zones while I read to the boys to wait. 6 stories later, they reluctantly came up for scripture study, (after a lot of yelling on my part). There was arguing in bed amongst the kids as well. Isaac told me he felt like he just ate junk for dinner (chicken nuggets and fries do constitute as that.) I'm tired. I'm tired of being you and me. I searched for solace in looking up roles of women and men in the scriptures to try to find some insight into playing both roles. Maliciously, I knew there could be nothing that says just that. I felt weak and wanted your strength. I shouldn't have to play your role, just my own, I thought. I wanted to confirm and justify my feelings in not wanting to play your part and actually craving the easier route in submitting to your leadership. I felt that before I inform God he wasn't being fair in letting me play your part too, I had to find leverage in His own word. Was I in for a wake up call.
Corinthians 15:28 Hit me like a ton of bricks. "then shall the Son also himself be subject unto Him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all."
The Son himself is said to be subject to the Father. Yet the Father and the Son are equally God; there is no difference in their degree of divinity. Their strength is one. One is not without the other as the man is not without the woman and the woman without the man. The Son (all perfect, all knowing, always there) is subject to the Father.
It is interesting to note that here the same verb is used for the Son's subjection to the Father as is used for the woman's subjection to the man in (Ephesians 5 and I Timothy 2). In I Corinthians 15:28 the purpose of the Son's submitting to the Father is not to put the Son in an inferior position, but to bring about a beautiful plan. The purpose of the wife's submitting to her husband is also to carry out a beautiful plan. The establishment of a marriage that not only lasts eternally but also has wonderful harmony, and the establishment of order. The Son was still God though separated from His Father that he was in subjection to. Doing the "will of the Father"
I guess what I'm trying to attempt to say and put into words is, just as the nature of God didn't change with Jesus coming to earth, the nature of our marriage hasn't either. It's strength and spirit still dwells in this home. We are united in purpose, deed and spirit which is the power needed to become perfect and whole in Christ. No matter how things are surfacing temporally, I need to have trust in Him that His promises are sure even without me seeing them with my physical eyes right now. I can go to sleep, and rest assure, in the midst of kids' bickering that all things will be for our good and the children will be trained up in the way they should go. The power of being one with you still exists though separated. Oh, how Jesus has first handedly felt my sorrows. He had been separated from the one He is one with too. He has cried my same tears. The sealing power is with us still, where ever we go in body. Christ was still God on earth as in heaven. God still sustains, sanctifies and blesses our marriage. . . physically together or not. His grace is sufficient for me.
Luv, Shan
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