Dear Ja,
I wanted to tell you my enlightenment but you're in bed now, so you'll get a letter instead:
I've been disturbed all day toward myself feeling like I was. . .well. . . stupid. Not bright. Oblivious, naive, not the sharpest tool in the shed. It started while waiting for the lesson to begin in Relief Society. One sister was sitting next to me, the other in front, turned around talking. She commented on my pretty turquoise necklace and matching earrings. I smiled and touched around my neck excusing myself for them with a, "thank you, all my necklaces were lost in the move so Jason's stocking me back up now, guess he felt sorry for me. . ." blah something or another. The two sisters looked at each other funny and with a confused look questioned me with a, "why didn't you put in a claim?" I just responded with a 'it was my fault, they must have rolled it up in paper and I guess I threw the packing paper out without unrolling it.' They probed further with, "Did you see them roll it up in paper?" "Well, no, I wasn't upstairs." They looked at each other again and concluded with, "That would be a very easy thing to steal since it's so small to fit in their pocket and why didn't you hide or pack it yourself?" I felt foolish and all the above mentioned adjectives.
I began reading up on Joseph in Egypt and his accusations against him, we the reader know what really happened but he didn't utter a word of blame towards those others though. In fact, contrary to others attacking him he was highly favored of his father Jacob, Potipher and his wife, Pharaoh but ultimately God himself. Being favored of the Lord didn't lessen his trials though.
Look at Nephi. He was nearly murdered on five separate occasions. Four times by his own brothers and once by Laban. Nephi lived on a near starvation diet for 8 years in the desert and struggled across 2,500 miles of wilderness. He built a ship with opposition and ridicule from his brothers and set up two civilizations. Yet he doesn't say it in those words either. He says 'nevertheless being highly favored of the Lord.'
Why am I mentioning these great men? Well in my searching for an answer to defend my character flaw, I wanted to know what God thought about it. In my searching I found the word magnanimous spirit. The definition being:
Generous in forgiving; eschewing resentment or revenge; unselfish, big heart, generous in forgiving an insult or injury, free from petty resentfulness or vindictiveness.
It was confirmed to me that so many of the scripture stories of people that endured hardships or trials never even pinpointed that it was so. They never victimized themselves. They stated what happened as facts, continued to give thanks and praise to the Lord and we never read the blame or judgements casted upon those that gave offense. Does this mean they were naive? Oblivious? Not so sharp concluding that they couldn't SEE being attacked, stolen from or persecuted? Nay but they each had a magnanimous spirit. They were highly favored of the Lord. That natural man is put off and His grace cloaks us with peace. Even though Nephi had seen many trials in his life he still felt highly favored of the Lord. Even though Joseph was accused, sold, slaved, he was highly favored of the Lord. Do we recognize the great blessings we receive from the Lord in spite of our trials?
I too have been highly favored of the Lord. My not seeing the possibility of a crime against me wasn't a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it was the Lord's grace upon me. It was strength from Him that I didn't even realize he had cloaked over me out of protection for me. Gracing me with His favor upon me.
I was also reading up on Rudyard Kipling's quotes as I like to know about the author we are reading from (Currently it's Jungle Book) and he has a few favoring women:
"God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers."
"A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty."
"An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy."
But the one that hit me was the one that confirmed wisdom instead of stupidity:
"I always prefer to believe the best of everybody, it saves so much trouble." ~Rudyard Kipling.
Thank you Lord for this gift. I recognize now it's not a curse or weakness to not think like the world would expect me to.
I think if we each look at ourselves and the qualities that we posses, those that we were practically born with, the ones that are different from others, we would see it as a favor from God and not a sign of weakness. Making us all originally different was done on purpose from the perfect woodcarver Himself.
Luv, me
PS It was so fun to be on vacation with you for 2 weeks for Christmas before you need to leave again in 1 week for another month.
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